Language of Flowers or forget me not, my dear
by dealan
Summary: There's a flower for every occasion that defined Chuck’s life. Ellie/Chuck, Morgan/Chuck, Chuck/Jill, Chuck/Bryce, Chuck/Sarah. Spoilers through 1x13.
1. Hydrangeas

Title: Language of Flowers (forget me not, my dear)  
Author: dealan  
Rating: K  
Characters/Pairings: Ellie/Chuck, Morgan/Chuck, Chuck/Jill, Chuck/Bryce, Chuck/Sarah  
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, don't sue.  
Spoilers: Up through 1x13  
Summary: There's a flower for every occasion that defined Chuck's life. 

Author's note: Belated V-day challenge fic. Prompt: pink daisies. Flower meanings taken from http//www . weddingsgalore. com / flowers. html

* * *

There are moments in our lives that define us. Whether it's an experience we have or a person we meet, from that point on, life is divided into two parts: before and after, and we are forever changed.

It's just Chuck's luck that there's a flower to commemorate each of those moments in his life.

--

**_Hydrangea - Thank you for understanding; frigidity;__heartlessness_**

Since as far back as Chuck can remember, his house has been filled with noise. As a family, they fluctuate between raucous laughter and angry shouts, because they're Bartowski's. They're emotional, they're bigger than life, and they have a tendency to freak out (in good ways and bad).

When Ellie and Chuck arrive from school, it's the silence that alerts him that something is wrong.

Chuck cautiously opens the door and they find their father standing in the living room with a vacant stare.

"She's gone, he says numbly. "Her clothes, her books…everything is gone."

Chuck grabs his father's elbow to support him and Ellie grasps his hand. Together they lead him into the dining room to sit down. There they find the only remainder of their mother sitting on the dining room table next to a vase of purple hydrangeas. The note says only two words:

"I'm sorry."

The tension in the air is thick with uncertainty, until a sudden, startling moment when their father picks up the vase and smashes it in anger, shattering the silence and the glass. Purple petals fall as the stems smack against the wall. Ellie chokes back a sob but she holds it together the best she can. She's more afraid for Chuck, whose eyes well with tears.

Their father collapses to his knees and head in his hands, he weeps. When he looks up to see Ellie's fear and Chuck's trepidation written across their faces, immediately he regrets it. He vows to himself that this will be the first, last, and only time they will ever fear him like this. It's a promise he knows he will always keep (and he does). He crosses the room and pulls his children into his arms.

"I'm sorry, guys," he croaks. "I just..."

"We know, Dad. It's going to be okay," Ellie says, patting his back carefully.

Chuck squeezes his father tightly. "We're going to be okay," he echoes.

As Ellie leads her dazed father to his bedroom him in, Chuck surveys the damage in slight bewilderment. He bends down and gingerly picks up a shard of glass, slicing his finger in the process. A hiss escapes his lips, and he watches a rivulet of blood slowly make its way down his finger. The enormity of everything begins to sink in and finally his tears fall.

He doesn't even register Ellie's presence until he feels the cool damp cloth pressing on his hand. She cleans the wound effectively, places a band-aid on his finger and wraps him up in her arms until he feels whole again.

With a sheepish look, he wipes eyes and gives her a watery smile. "Let's clean this up, shall we?" he says.

Together they begin to sweep up the broken shards and petals soaked in water, tears, and drops of blood.

--

It's quiet in the weeks following her departure. Their father has become withdrawn and neither Ellie nor Chuck ever really know what to say to snap him out of it. It stays like that for a long time.

But they are Bartowski's, and eventually the chaos and the noise return. The sounds of chuckles and arguments trickle back into the halls, and Chuck's world is righted once again. It's not the same, but it's close to it. A year later, to the day, they are able to replace the sad memories with laughter and smiles and new traditions. Ellie cooks dinner, and Chuck brings the flowers.

He makes sure, though, never to bring home hydrangeas.


	2. Ferns

**_Fern - Fascination; magic; sincerity_**

In every high school, there is always a group of people who seem to be keyed into everything. People whose movements are watched, appraised, and tracked by the rest of the school. Not all of them are scheming gossips who trample on others' feelings on their way to the top. Not all of them are jocks who bully freshmen with threats to stuff them into lockers. Some of them don't calculate their way to popularity at all; it's just who they are, and you just know that those people are going places. However they accomplish it, though, this elite group of people rises to the top and keeps everyone enthralled.

Chuck isn't one of them, but he could have been.

Everyone knew and loved Ellie Bartowski; she was smart, she was funny, and she was really, really hot. Everyone also knew that to mess with Chuck was to mess with Ellie, and in that respect, she was also a little scary.

So when Chuck started his first day of his freshman year, he knew he had a chance to be one of "them." As if Ellie wasn't enough of a ticket in, he got paired as a chemistry partner with Jason Peterson, the star freshman who made first string on the Varsity football team. To both their surprise, Chuck and Jason got along extremely well, and before long, the funny Bartowski was mentioned in the popular circles just as much the hot Bartowski.

As great as it was to have a new set of friends, though, Chuck missed being able to talk video games and Dune with Morgan at lunch. Every day, it seemed that he'd spend five minutes scanning the cafeteria for his friend to no avail. Eventually Jason or Ellie would wave him over to come sit with them, and unable to find Morgan anywhere, Chuck would join them with a shrug. It didn't make sense that his best friend since kindergarten had seemingly abandoned him for no apparent reason.

Then one day, Chuck found him when he literally stumbled over Morgan on his way to the restroom.

--

With a crash, Chuck landed in huge potted fern.

"Morgan!" he exclaimed, as he extricated himself from the leafy fronds and dusted his shirt off. " Where have you been, buddy?"

"Just, you know, eating my PB&J."

"I haven't seen you in weeks." Chuck looked around and realized that Morgan was sitting on the floor next to the bathroom, almost completely obscured by the potted plant. "Why were you hiding behind a plant?"

"I don't know, Chuck. Ferns just like me, I guess."

"Ferns like you?"

"Hey, don't knock ferns. At least ferns don't go off and make new friends and be cooler than the rest of us," he said bitterly.

"Morgan..."

"What, Chuck? You're in the in-crowd now. Go sit with your football friends."

"They're just guys I know from Chem class. C'mon, I'll introduce you."

"Don't you get it?" Morgan snapped. "You're in! You can't be seen hanging out with a loser like me! I'll just drag you down."

"You're not a loser, Morgan."

"You belong with them, Chuck. I've seen you. You're smart. Girls laugh with you instead of at you. The guys don't look like they are planning on giving you a super atomic wedgie. You fit. I don't."

Chuck scratched his head and looked thoughtfully at the table where Jason and his friends sat laughing. Then, he turned back and took in the dejected form slouched against the wall. "Well, then I don't want to be in the in-crowd," he declared.

"Don't lie. Everyone wants to be popular in high school."

Chuck shrugged. "I can still be friends with them and friends with you. If they have a problem with it, that's their issue."

Morgan narrowed his eyes. "Are you sure?"

"You know, I just got the new THX remastered version of the Star Wars Trilogy."

Morgan hesitated, the promise of lightsabers and the Force almost too much to hope for.

Chuck pressed on. "Wanna watch at my place after school?"

Morgan broke out into a huge smile and rubbed his hands together in excitement. "Excellent. I feel the need for some Jedi mind tricks right now. You heard the rumors that George Lucas is going to make Special Editions and release them in the theaters, right? It's going to be amazing. Imagine it: the Millennium Falcon tearing across space, lightsaber battles on the big screen, just like we were intended to see it."

"They're gonna add scenes too. I would love to see more Boba Fett."

"I hear Jabba the Hutt's being added in. And something about Greedo."

"Greedo? What could they possibly do with Greedo?"

"Who knows?"

"I have a bad feeling about this."

--

In the end, Chuck goes through high school known as Ellie's little brother. The popular kids acknowledge him and are friendly towards him but he never becomes part of their inner circle.

And really, he's okay with that.

He's still going to do something great with his life. He doesn't know what it is yet, but he knows it's going to be big. Something no one else, not even him, can comprehend yet. And to do it, he's going to have to stand on his own.

Chuck knows this, which is why he won't leave Morgan now. Right now, he's fine just being a regular guy with a true friend he can lean on. He'll save the world later.


	3. Daffodils

**_Daffodil - Deceitful; hope; unrequited love_**

Chuck's messed this one up good.

_(Do we really have to do this, Jill?)_

He doesn't know how he accomplished it, to be honest, but he somehow he did.

_(I don't like it any better than you do, Bryce, but orders are orders. We have to establish our cover.)_

He has to fix this. He's not about to lose Jill over some stupid he might have inadvertently said or done.

_(Why not just break up with him? He's my best friend and your boyfriend. Isn't there a better way than ripping out his heart and stomping on it?)_

Normally he'd ask Bryce for advice, but Bryce has been MIA lately. He's not the only one to notice it; everyone else in the group has commented on it too.

_(You of all people know that that's impossible. He'll want to know why, he won't stop trying to fix it and he'll get too close. Do you really want to see Chuck get wrapped up in all this?)_

People tell him it's normal, the fights and stupid stuff that comes with the separation anxiety they tell you to expect in your senior year. But he wasn't expecting to have problems with his roommate and his girlfriend at the same time. He hopes that once he squares everything away with Jill, he can figure out what's going on with Bryce and why he's been so distant lately.

_(No. You're right. We have to start distancing ourselves from him for his own sake.)_

Thankfully he has Ellie, who instructs him to apologize with gifts. So here he is, heart open and bearing gifts. Well, flowers anyway. But they're her favorite: white daffodils.

_(Look, I love Chuck. And I know you do too. But we have to start getting used to detaching our emotions if we want to survive. Even if it means giving up the Chucks in our lives.)_

He loves that about Jill, actually. Her absurd love of daffodils is the most girly thing about her. Not that there's anything masculine about her, of course. It's just that she's so much one of the guys, with her love of Everquest and her ability to out-drink all of them, that when she displays a girlish side to her, it throws everyone off guard.

_(Hey, c'mere. Don't cry. You're right. This is for the best.)_

She's such a strong, beautiful, wonderful person, and he's so lucky to have her in his life. He doesn't know what he'd do without her.

_(He'll survive this, right Bryce? He doesn't need me.)_

Chuck reaches for the doorknob and pulls the door open. Shock doesn't even begin to cover what he feels at the sight of a half-naked Jill locked in Bryce's embrace.

"Jill?" he finally manages to squeak out.

A pained look crosses Bryce's face. "Chuck...wait, we can explain."

Their words wash over him, but he can't process anything they're saying. All he can focus on is the crunch of the stems in his clenched fist. Anger and sadness will inevitable follow (and they do), but right now all he feels are the numbness in his fingers and the emptiness in his heart.

--

When Bryce gets him kicked out of Stanford, Chuck bitterly chides himself for being surprised.


	4. Daisies

_**Daisy – Innocence; romance; beauty**_

There are so many things Chuck remembers about the day he first met Sarah. It was the day he started his 26th lap around the sun. It was the day he had his first flash, even though he didn't know what it meant. It was day he saw a real live ninja spy for the first time (okay, so that was also Sarah, but he didn't know that at the time).

But when he looks back on the day his life left normal, what sticks out the most is a little ballerina whose father forgot to load a tape in his camcorder.

--

Chuck looked back and forth between the crushed expression on the little girl's face and the amazingly beautiful woman who watched him with questioning eyes.

It is the easiest decision he has ever had to make.

"Morgan," he announced, "I need the wall."

Chuck felt Sarah's eyes on him as he led the man and his daughter over to the entertainment area and called Anna over.

"Okay, so here's the plan, Mr…"

"Gardner. Mark Gardner. And this is Daisy."

"Hi Daisy. I'm Chuck." Daisy gave Chuck a shy wave. "Mr. Gardner, Morgan here is going to help hook up your video camera to these TV screens. Daisy, do you remember the name of song you danced to?"

Daisy nodded. Chuck smiled and gestured to Anna's approaching form. "Good, you are going to go with my friend Anna to find a copy of the song. Meanwhile, your dad and I are going to clear these chairs out of the way so you can dance here and we can tape it for real this time."

Anna took Daisy's hand and led the smiling ballerina to the music section.

"Thank you SO much for doing this. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it," Mr. Gardner said as he pushed one of the chairs to the edge of the carpet.

"It's not a problem, Mr. Gardner. All part of the Buy More service."

"Yeah, but this is above and beyond." He glanced to the side and smiled. "Although I suppose an added bonus to helping me out is that you get to impress that girl over there."

Chuck turned in the direction he was gesturing to see that Sarah was still lingering at the Nerd Herd desk, casting a curious look in their direction.

"Oh," Chuck stammered. "Well-"

"Hey Chuckles," Anna interrupted. "we're all set."

"Great. Lester, if you could get ready with the music and Anna, if you could man the camera."

Chuck led Daisy out in front of the video wall and positioned her in the center of the entertainment area. "You ready?" he asked.

Daisy looked nervously at Chuck. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm usually in the back row."

"Why?"

"I'm too tall. I block the other ballerinas."

"Can I tell you a secret? But you can't tell the other girls."

Daisy nodded.

"Real ballerinas? Are tall."

Daisy smiled and nodded her head. Then she took a deep breath, adjusted her pink tutu, and fixed a determined look on her face.

Chuck stepped back and nodded to Lester to hit play. As the little girl performed her heart out, Chuck snuck a look at Sarah's smiling face. Perhaps Mr. Gardner was right, he thought to himself.

When Daisy finished, Chuck clapped in applause with a proud grin on his face. "Thank you," she mouthed. Chuck just nodded in return and turned back to talk to Sarah.

--

Before Sarah, the most he had ever played the part of the hero was to save a father and daughter from a lecture on how to load a video camera. He had never landed a helicopter, defused a bomb, or tangoed with a terrorist. Ex-best friends had never risen from the dead, and no one had ever kissed him, thoroughly and passionately, in a life and death situation.

But the thing that changed the most about life before Sarah was that he used to never question what he saw with his own eyes.

Customers who came into the Buy More weren't secret agents sent to protect or exterminate him. Delivery people didn't turn out to be Chinese rogue spies. A ballerina was just a ballerina, and he was just a regular guy trying to do the decent thing and impress a girl at the same time.

He wonders sometimes, if Daisy were to meet Chuck now, if he would help her without a second thought the way he did before. Daisy was the last person he met without the lens of paranoia and hesitation that is now fused over his mind, and for that reason, she has left an indelible mark in Chuck's memory.


	5. Tiger Lilies

_**Lily (Tiger)- I Dare You to Love Me**_

"How about white roses?"

"No, those are so overdone. Everyone uses roses for their wedding bouquet. I want something different. Besides, the book says here that they mean…"

Chuck groans inwardly. Last week, Ellie's maid of honor gave her a book called the Language of Flowers which lists all the meanings of flowers from the Victorian age. As a result of this brilliant move, he, Ellie, Awesome and Morgan have spent hours and hours disagreeing over what Ellie's bouquet should mean. He is supposed to be getting ready for a debriefing on the latest mission. Instead he is sitting in his living room, pouring over pictures of flowers with no end in sight. It isn't that that he doesn't love helping out his sister for the most important day of her life; it's just that they're flowers. Who the hell cares what they mean, so long as they look pretty?

"What about hydrangeas?"

"NO," Ellie and Chuck say in unison.

"Okay, okay, no need to bite my head off," Morgan huffs. "It was just a suggestion."

"How about these?" Awesome asks, pointing to the book.

"Tiger lilies?"

Chuck fiddles with his watch. "Those are pretty, but I'm not sure of the orange," he says distractedly.

"You know tiger lilies have medicinal uses," Awesome notes. "They relieve congestion, the nausea and vomiting of pregnancy-"

"Ellie's not pregnant though," Morgan interjects. "You're not pregnant, are you Ellie?"

Ellie smacks Morgan in the arm.

"Ow, ow. Okay, sorry."

"Morgan, you never ask if a woman is pregnant."

"Yeah, dude. Not cool."

"Well," Ellie continues, ignoring Morgan. "The book says…Here we go. Lily, tiger. I dare you to love me."

"You should remember that one, Chuck, the next time you give Sarah flowers."

"I told you, we're just friends."

A knock on the front door saves him from continuing that line of conversation. Immediately Chuck jumps up and sprints to the door.

"Oh thank god you're here, Sarah."

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that we're going to have to postpone the mission to tomorrow instead. Casey has to swing by and pick up some special supplies for the mission, and we can't move them until it gets dark."

Chuck frowns in disappointment.

"Sarah!" Ellie exclaims, appearing at the door.

"Hi, Ellie!" she says.

"Come in here and help pick out flowers for the wedding!"

Sarah's smile falters in uncertainty. "Uh, I'm not so sure-"

"Please, all I have are Devon, Morgan and Chuck." Sarah winces in sympathy. "I could really use a woman's opinion."

Chuck gives Sarah an apologetic look. Sarah sighs and hands him her coat. "Sure. So what have you got?"

"Right now we're looking at lilies."

"Have you thought about calla lilies? They come in lots of different colors, so it will be easy to match your colors."

As Chuck watches Sarah and Ellie make their way to the living room, he lets his mind wander.

His disappointment at the postponement of the mission is surprising. He had actually been looking forward to tonight's mission, which, now that he thinks about it, is becoming a reoccurring trend. Being on missions, while terrifying at times, is also exhilarating. It gives him a sense of purpose that nothing else does, and in a strange way, his day doesn't feel complete without Casey bringing files to see if he'll flash on something or Sarah debriefing him for a mission.

Chuck stops in his tracks as that epiphany settles in his mind. This craziness is his life now, and he is surprised at how much he actually wants to keep it that way.

It doesn't change anything. There are still boundaries he can't cross, situations where he will have to lie and compartmentalize. But looking at Ellie and Sarah interacting together, meshing his normal world and his spy world, Chuck realizes, he isn't fighting to keep them separate anymore because he _needs_ both. He can't imagine his life without Sarah and Casey any more that he can imagine life without Ellie, Awesome, and Morgan.

Especially Sarah.

"Hey, Chuck! Get in here!" Sarah calls, breaking his reverie.

Chuck hangs Sarah's coat on the coat rack and walks back to the living room with a smile.

--

The following night, Chuck adjusts his bow tie before knocking on Sarah's door. The door opens to reveal Sarah in a beautiful white gown that shimmers when she moves. Chuck's jaw drops slightly at the sight.

"What's this?" Sarah says curiously, pointing to the flower in his hand.

"Well, I felt bad that you were stuck helping Ellie pick out flowers," Chuck recovers. "And it occurred to me that a man should always give flowers to a woman before they go out on a date."

"But this isn't a date."

"It is to Charles Carmichael," he smiles, "and Charles Carmichael would never go on a date without bringing flowers."

Sarah stares at him with an unreadable look.

"Come on. Consider it part of the cover."

He hands her the tiger lily with a flourish, hoping she'll understand the words unspoken. It was all he dares to do, but reading the warm look in her eyes when she accepts is enough to know that his message is received.

--------


	6. Epilogue

All the moments Chuck can't forget, whether he wants to or not, are marked and catalogued in his head by flowers. When his mind's eye flashes on those flowers, their images trigger real memories, not files on terrorists or nuclear launch codes. He can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but he supposes there are worse things to remember his life by.

Besides, he kind of likes what plants symbolize. On the day a plant dies, you can take the seed, bury it in the ground, and wait for it to grow into something new. A new beginning with endless opportunities.

And that suits Chuck just fine.

_ finis_


End file.
